Navigating Menopause

Today I’d like to talk about navigating menopause, a topic we’ve been discussing in our classes at the Gurukula lately. I’m using the word navigate because menopause is a passage. It is like navigating the stormy waters of the Cape of Good Hope to get from the familiar Atlantic to the rich and mystical Indian Ocean. It’s hard for many to get through the stormy waters of night sweats, insomnia, brain fog and hot flashes, yet on the other side, if you are ready to welcome her, lies the magical world of the Wisewoman.

 In some cultures, menopause is stigmatized and in others, celebrated. Our own attitudes and those of society affect how you experience your menopausal symptoms. Are they the ominous harbingers of decrepitude or the thrilling messengers of a new level of maturity? In traditional societies where menopause affords an honoured Wisewoman status, your first hot flash would suggest that you are on your way to a new and better life. For example, among the Tuareg of Niger, the post-menopausal woman acquires new Grandmother roles in healing and religious devotion. Similarly, Mayan women would feel thrilled by the onset of menopause, with its promise of greater freedom and enhanced status.

Yet it’s not all rosy.  In Arabic, the term for menopause, sinn al ya, translates into “the age of despair.” In male-dominated societies, women may fear that their husbands will abandon them for a younger woman, now that they can no longer bear children. And in such societies, this means destitution, as women are typically not breadwinners and don’t usually have careers.

So… here it comes. You’ve been having your cycle and having the unique property of living with the moon. Human women are completely unique and different from any other female, due to their ability to work with the moon. You’re used to the cycle, the moods, and how they change. Now you know how to live with your cycle, it’s time to learn to live without it.

I think that every woman whether she has had children or not, will be going through some kind of loss during menopause. A loss of her potential to have a child, or more children, a loss of her relationship with the moon, a loss of her cycle, a loss of her youth, the loss of possibilities that were always there.   There is a need to mourn, and there is a need to reorient to a new stage in life and a new set of potentials. In a certain sense, menopause is the coming to an end of the Mother stage of life.  But it also affords the possibility of the crowning of the Queen, your next stage of life.

 The Queen has a different life than the Mother. She isn’t busy with pregnancy, nursing, diapers, schlepping children around, parent-teacher meetings, and so forth. Her life isn’t going around her own children. In the Queen stage of life, as we leave behind those more domestic duties and concerns of motherhood, we have the chance to find a new mission; what we are going to contribute to a larger world. And we also have less to lose. You don’t want to get arrested at a protest if you have kids at home. But if you get arrested as an older person, why not? You have more options to sacrifice yourself for larger concerns because there has been a change in your responsibilities.

But to navigate and celebrate your menopause, you have to get past the stigma. For us contemporary women in Western societies, the issue of menopause stigma is compounded by age stigma. We live in a society that values youth and defines beauty in terms of youth. We therefore see menopause as a loss of worth—loss of youth and its attendant beauty, loss of fertility, loss of desirability, loss of employability due to ageism, loss of control of our physiological, hormonal and psychological functioning. We may expect to have a high level of control; so getting uncomfortable and embarrassing hot flushes and other symptoms may interfere with our linear, highly organized work life.

 Because of the stigma associated with both menopause and aging, many women suffer in silence, without getting help for their symptoms. Menopause hits at a time when high-functioning women are at the top of their careers. Now they can’t get a good night’s sleep because of night sweats. They may experience brain fog and difficulty coping with daily life, what to speak of a high-pressure job. Yet menopause is a temporary phase that can typically lead into a time when a woman is absolutely on top of her game. So it’s tragic that we suffer in silence due to menopause stigma, and may give up careers that we have worked hard to build.

 If you are unhappy and insecure in your marriage or are recently divorced or have had other experiences that lead to low self-esteem, menopause may compound the anxiety and insecurity, leading to self-stigmatization. On the other hand, maybe you see menopause not as a loss, but as a relief. No more worries about pads, tampons or bleeding through, no more cramps or PMS, no more concerns about pregnancy. Life can become smoother and more predictable the other side of menopause. We adopt strategies to deal with our temperature regulation issues, such as keeping a rosewater spray bottle in our handbag or dressing in layers. Women may choose to have a sense of humour about their symptoms, especially if they can chat with others going through the same experience.

In my thirty plus years of practicing Ayurveda, I’ve run headlong into the Western biomedical conception of menopause as a deficiency disease requiring long term HRT. At the other extreme, we can view menopause in psychosocial terms, as a natural development towards a new maturity, which should not be medicated away. When I went through menopause over twenty years ago, I found it was easy to feel like a failure because I had some pretty severe symptoms—and friends would tell me menopause was supposed to be easy if you practice yoga and have a good diet. Well, I was practicing yoga, having a good diet and taking herbal teas, yet menopause was really difficult because of my pitta prakriti.  I think it’s best to take a holistic approach and avoid extremes.  Some women choose HRT because they have serious concerns such as a strong family history of osteoporosis. Most of us need the support of Ayurvedic herbs and lifestyle, either because of troublesome symptoms, or simply because we want to lay a foundation of health in our elder years. Navigating menopause is not about success and failure, it’s about individual needs and situations. In fact, menopause should be taking us out of linear success and failure paradigms and into the more mystical persona of the Wisewoman.

Sources:

Meanings of menopause: cultural influences on perception and management of menopause. Lisa Hall 1, Lynn Clark Callister, Judith A Berry, Geraldine Matsumura

Women's conception of the menopausal transition--a qualitative study. Lindh-Astrand L, Hoffmann M, Hammar M, Kjellgren KI.

Is this menopause? Women in midlife--psychosocial issues.Deeks AA.Aust Fam Physician. 2004 Nov;33(11):889-93.

https://www.tuc.org.uk/sites/default/files/TUC_menopause_0.pdf

Reynolds, F. (2002). Exploring self-image during hot flushes using a semantic differential scale: Associations between poor self-image, depression, flush frequency, and flush distress. Maturitas, 42, 201-207.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-northern-ireland-57640881

 Alakananda Ma M.B., B.S. (Lond.) is an Ayurvedic Doctor (NAMA) and graduate of a top London medical school. She is co-founder of Alandi Ayurveda Clinic and Alandi Ayurveda Gurukula in Boulder Colorado, as well as a spiritual mother, teacher, flower essence maker and storyteller. Alakananda is a well known and highly respected practitioner in the Ayurveda community both nationally and internationally.

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